Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,355

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

Just landed via Twitch:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Going viral on X:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Just landed via TikTok:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Making waves on Facebook:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Funny award quotes

Funny award quotes add a hilarious twist to any ceremony 🏆😂, turning those serious moments into laugh-out-loud memories! Whether you’re celebrating quirky achievements or just want to keep things lighthearted, these witty lines bring smiles and good vibes 😄🎉. Perfect for speeches, plaques, or social media shoutouts, they’re guaranteed to make your awards unforgettable and your audience chuckle! 🎤✨

New funny award quotes 👇

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

0

2 months ago

award, candy, comedy, confession, dentist, deserve, eat, honesty, humor, i, lie, Oscar, telling
Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

0

2 months ago

achievement, award, bravery, cut, eat, fact, food, humor, i, parenting, son, struggle, toast
If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

0

2 months ago

award, else, home, homebody, humor, ID, laziness, me, pick, pick-up, procrastination, send, someone, staying, staying at home, win
I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

0

2 months ago

acting, award, busy, easily, going, humor, i, just, Oscar, priorities, right, self-deprecation, things, win
Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

0

2 months ago

award, criticism, humor, magazine, person, satire, should, time, worst, Worst Person, year
My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

0

2 months ago

award, award ceremony, ceremony, cleaned, cleaning, dressed, event, funny situation, humor, husband, kitchen, living, living room, room, situation, suit, time, unexpected, unexpected event, waiting
I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

0

2 months ago

anthem, award, award ceremony, ceremony, country, country music, humor, i, listen, music, music preference, national, national anthem, preference
I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

0

2 months ago

air, air conditioner, appreciation, award, conditioner, employee, give, humor, i, month, plaque, workplace

All funny award quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

31 shares on Slack this month:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Absurdity is the spice of life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,514

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

Trending via YouTube:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

Making waves on Discord:

Watching a movie and subtitles not syncing is low-key pain.

Going viral on Messenger:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Making waves on YouTube:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Just landed via Reddit:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Live now on Pinterest:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

Just landed via YouTube:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

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