21 funny son quotes - Wordgag

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

May 30, 2026

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

May 29, 2026

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

May 29, 2026

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

May 28, 2026

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

May 28, 2026

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

May 26, 2026

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

May 26, 2026

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

May 26, 2026

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

May 24, 2026

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

May 23, 2026

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

May 23, 2026

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

May 23, 2026

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

May 23, 2026

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

May 22, 2026

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

May 22, 2026

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

May 21, 2026

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

May 21, 2026

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

May 20, 2026

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

May 20, 2026

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

May 20, 2026

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

May 20, 2026