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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,392

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

Going viral on Discord:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Just shared via X:

I am thick and tired.

Just shared via Pinterest:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Just landed via WeChat:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Breaking via Facebook:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Shared recently on Threads:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Going viral on Discord:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Making waves on Threads:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Funny blood pressure quotes

Funny blood pressure quotes add a humorous twist to the topic of health and wellness. 🩺😄 From witty remarks about monitoring blood pressure to playful jabs at the stress of health check-ups, these quotes bring a smile to managing your numbers. Enjoy a laugh and take a light-hearted approach to keeping your blood pressure in check! 🩺😄

New funny blood pressure quotes 👇

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

0

2 months ago

beat, blood, blood pressure, brag, competition, high, high score, humor, joke, just, machine, pressure, score
When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

0

2 months ago

activity, blood, blood pressure, family, group, group activity, health, humor, involvement, machine, person, pressure, whole
At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

0

2 months ago

appointment, blood, blood pressure, doctor, end, humor, irony, medical, own, pressure, self-care
I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

0

2 months ago

again, bag, blood, blood pressure, fit, free, handy, humor, i, irony, kit, never, once, pressure, relatable, stuff, take
Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

0

2 months ago

blood, blood pressure, chase, dating, health, high, hoe, humor, pressure, relationships, stress

All funny blood pressure quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

19 shares on Slack this month:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

69 shares on Telegram this month:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,379

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Just shared via Telegram:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Trending via X:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

Trending via X:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Trending via Pinterest:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Trending via Reddit:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

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