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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,340

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Live now on Snapchat:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Freshly posted on X:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Seen just now on Threads:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Trending via Messenger:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Just shared via Reddit:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Just shared via Twitch:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Shared recently on Twitch:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

68 Funny boss quotes

Funny boss quotes bring a humorous perspective to the dynamics of workplace leadership! 👔😂 From playful jabs at management quirks to witty observations on office life, these quotes capture the lighter side of having a boss. Enjoy a laugh and appreciate the fun moments in the world of work! 😄🏢

New funny boss quotes 👇

Yesterday, my boss asked me what I did for a living.

5 days ago

asked, boss, conversation, humor, i, job, living, me, question, work, yesterday
I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

5 days ago

always, appliance, beep, before, boss, defiance, humor, i, independence, kitchen, me, microwave, stop
Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

5 days ago

blink, blinking, boss, communication, funny gesture, gesture, humor, i, knows, raise, slow, slow blink, want, workplace
Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

5 days ago

back, boss, doing, doing nothing, excuse, humor, i, joy, laziness, nothing, procrastination, telling, work
My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

5 days ago

before, boss, coffee, coffee shop, complaint, denied, hear, humor, me, music, never, raise, shift, shop, today, wanted, work
Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

5 days ago

boss, boss-in-law, humor, joke, relationship, wife, wordplay, workplace
Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

5 days ago

boss, capture, childlike, childlike joy, December, excuse, holiday, holiday spirit, humor, i, joy, procrastination, sorry, spirit, today, trying, work
I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

6 days ago

boss, caught, i, kid, kids, later, me, minutes, office, outside, pot, prank, smoking, smoking pot, workplace
“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

6 days ago

boomerism, boss, communication, electric, feels, humor, man, marriage, married, married man, peak, phrase, run, say
I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

6 days ago

boss, dream, extra, hour, hours, humor, i, invoice, joke, last, management, night, overtime, sleep, time, time management, work

For even more funny boss quotes, hit next 👇

All funny boss quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would like even faster food.

41 shares on Discord this month:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

15 shares on Slack this month:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,479

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Seen just now on WeChat:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

Going viral on YouTube:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

Trending via Twitch:

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Shared recently on X:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Trending via Threads:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Shared recently on Discord:

Best thing about TikTok is you literally don’t need to follow anyone to have a good time.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

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