58 Funny boss quotes — Wordgag ツ

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

2 days ago2 days ago

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

1 month ago1 month ago

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

2 months ago2 months ago

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

2 months ago2 months ago

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

2 months ago2 months ago

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

2 months ago2 months ago

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

2 months ago2 months ago

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

2 months ago2 months ago

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

2 months ago2 months ago

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

2 months ago2 months ago

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

2 months ago2 months ago

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

2 months ago2 months ago

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

2 months ago2 months ago

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

2 months ago2 months ago

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

2 months ago2 months ago

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

2 months ago2 months ago

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

3 months ago3 months ago

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

3 months ago3 months ago

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

3 months ago3 months ago

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

4 months ago4 months ago