69 funny boss quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

May 23, 2026

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

May 23, 2026

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

May 23, 2026

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

May 23, 2026

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

May 23, 2026

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

May 23, 2026

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

May 22, 2026

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

May 22, 2026

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

May 22, 2026

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

May 22, 2026

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

May 22, 2026

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

May 21, 2026

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

May 21, 2026

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

May 21, 2026

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

May 21, 2026

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

May 21, 2026

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

May 21, 2026

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

May 21, 2026

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

May 21, 2026

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

May 20, 2026

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

May 20, 2026

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

May 20, 2026

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

May 20, 2026

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

May 20, 2026

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

May 20, 2026

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

May 20, 2026

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

May 20, 2026

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

May 19, 2026

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

May 19, 2026