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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

10 hours ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Going viral on Slack:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Breaking via WeChat:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Seen just now on TikTok:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Just landed via Threads:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Going viral on WeChat:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Just landed via WeChat:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Live now on Facebook:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Home » Funny Brag Quotes » Page 2

41 Funny brag quotes

More funny brag quotes 👇

4 months ago
Share →: Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Commentary:
"Well, who needs alcohol for a little dose of stupidity anyway? Some of us are naturally gifted in that department!"
4 months ago
Share →: Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Commentary:
"Who needs alcohol to regret life choices when you've got natural talent? It's like a superpower, just with more facepalms and less capes."
4 months ago
Share →: Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Commentary:
"Who knew that mastering the art of relaxation and zen could be so competitive? Watch out, this blood pressure machine might just challenge you to a rematch!"
5 months ago
Share →: Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Commentary:
"Who needs proof when I am living proof! 👀✨ Don't worry, I won't hold it against you for not being as invisible as me!"
5 months ago
Share →: Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Commentary:
"Oh, to bypass the mid-life crisis and dive right into perfecting the art of crankiness! 🙄👴 No time for flashy sports cars or questionable fashion choices, just pure unadulterated curmudgeonliness ahead! 😂 #AgeBeforeCrankiness"
6 months ago
Share →: I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Cooking wizardry achieved! 🧙‍♂️💥 Closing that tab like a boss, because who needs recipes taking up precious browser real estate? 😜 #KitchenPro #MissionAccomplished"
6 months ago
Share →: I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Commentary:
"Who knew excelling at faults could be a special skill? 🌟😂 Keep shining bright in all your imperfect glory! 💪🌟 #FlawlesslyFlawed"
6 months ago
Share →: Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

Commentary:
"Feeling accomplished for conquering those stairs like a true hero! 🦸‍♂️💪 Who needs a gym when you have a staircase for a workout challenge? 😂 #StairmasterPro"
6 months ago
Share →: Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Commentary:
"Ah, the subtle art of effortless coolness 😎. It takes true talent to master the 'I-didn't-even-have-to-try' vibe, right? 💁‍♂️ Who needs accusations when you're naturally smooth like butter? 🧈 #EffortlesslyCool #ChillVibes"
6 months ago
Share →: Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Commentary:
"Ah, the peak of financial foresight! 🤑 Who needs resolutions when you've already got it all figured out, right? 😂 Here's to wealth management at its finest! 💸 #LivingLarge #FinancialGenius"

For even more funny brag quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny brag quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

10 hours ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Live now on Messenger:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Spotted on Telegram:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Trending via Facebook:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Just landed via Facebook:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Just landed via Slack:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

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