53 Funny children quotes

• 

  4 weeks ago

  Share →: Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

  Commentary:
  "When life gives you piñatas, make sure the kids have plenty of candy and controlled chaos! 😂🍬🎉"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

  Commentary:
  "When your inheritance is 99% bags, you know you're carrying the family legacy… literally! 👜😄 #BagHeirlooms #TotesEmosh"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like your kids are pursuing their own version of 'Grey's Anatomy: Elementary Edition'! 🏥💉 Who knew running to the school nurse could earn them a PhD in 'I Need a Band-Aid'?"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

  Commentary:
  "Having three kids is like playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly – you've already built hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, so rolling the dice again might just bankrupt you!"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: We decided to have money instead of children.

  Commentary:
  "Well, who needs sleepless nights and dirty diapers when you can have a sparkling clean bank account and a fancy vacation home in the Bahamas instead? Money talks, and apparently, it convinced this couple to invest in themselves rather than in diapers!"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

  Commentary:
  Well, it seems like the key to escaping the office is not a corner office or a fancy title, but simply a fictional child! Who knew that the path to freedom was paved with imaginary offspring? Just make sure your "kid" doesn't accidentally show up at the company picnic, or you'll have some explaining to do!

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, the age-old tactic of seeking career inspiration from pint-sized dreamers. Who knew adults were just waiting for a precocious child to say 'professional ice cream taster' so they could finally pursue their true calling?"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

  Commentary:
  "Having children is basically like being the president of a frat house – except you can't resign, the messes are smaller but smellier, and the parties never end. Cheers to parenthood, where sleep is a distant memory and throwing up is just another rite of passage!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, in the world of elementary school, teachers are like secret agents – they know all your embarrassing secrets thanks to the little informants running around in their classroom. So, be kind to them, unless you want your dirty laundry aired out during the next parent-teacher conference!"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

  Commentary:
  "I guess it's a tough choice between capturing a perfectly plated avocado toast 🥑📸 or a messy spaghetti-drenched kiddo 🍝👶. One could argue that both are equally photogenic in their own unique ways! 😆📱 #FoodOverKids"

For even more funny children quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny children quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌