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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Spotted on Messenger:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Going viral on Messenger:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Making waves on Instagram:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Trending via Discord:

I like when games that have no need for a jump button have a jump button.

Just landed via Threads:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

100 Funny choice quotes

Funny choice quotes 🤪 sprinkle humor into our everyday decisions, transforming the mundane into a laugh-out-loud experience 😂! Whether you’re picking between toast or cereal 🥐🥣, or deciding if the gym can wait another day 🏋️‍♂️🍕, a witty quip can make all the difference. Dive into a world where choices are never ordinary and laughter is always in style, because life’s too short not to chuckle at your own decisions! 🎉😄

New funny choice quotes 👇

Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

5 days ago

am, choice, family, humor, i, independence, individualism, person, personal, personal choice, unfortunately, want
Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay.

5 days ago

agree, away, breakup, choice, choices, Crocs, disagreement, fashion, humor, just, okay, relationship, sh, throw, wear
Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

6 days ago

choice, confidence, humor, luck, me, outcome, things, unfortunately, work
I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

6 days ago

choice, choices, humor, i, marriage, question, relationship, self-deprecation, wife
Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

6 days ago

adventure, choice, country, drug, drugs, foreign, foreign country, goal, guys, humor, kid, kids, life, life choice, main, marriage, married, travel, want, why
Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

6 days ago

choice, communication, humor, language, phrase, saying, sophisticated, sophistication, synonym, vocabulary, word, word choice
What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

6 days ago

choice, decision, dispatch, event, feeling, FOMO, going, going out, hear, humor, knowing, once, opposite, regret, right, social, social event, somewhere
Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

6 days ago

brand, choice, choices, excited, humor, life, life choice, new, questioning, reflection, sarcasm, self, self-reflection, super, week
How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

6 days ago

aid, alphabet, alphabet song, am, childhood, childhood habit, choice, choices, count, counting, decision, decision making, finger, finger counting, fingers, habit, i, learning, learning method, letter, life, life choice, making, memory, memory aid, method, next, sing, song, still, whole
Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

6 days ago

adventure, choice, choose, decision, decision making, free, free will, humor, irony, making, own, regret, where

For even more funny choice quotes, hit next 👇

All funny choice quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

22 shares on Discord this month:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

88 shares on X this month:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

29 shares on Threads this month:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Study international relations and political science if you watch the news and think, I’d like this to make me even more depressed.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If love is the answer then what was the question?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,639

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Seen just now on Discord:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Just landed via WeChat:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I woke up alive again.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

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