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New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

100 Funny choice quotes

Funny choice quotes 🤪 sprinkle humor into our everyday decisions, transforming the mundane into a laugh-out-loud experience 😂! Whether you’re picking between toast or cereal 🥐🥣, or deciding if the gym can wait another day 🏋️‍♂️🍕, a witty quip can make all the difference. Dive into a world where choices are never ordinary and laughter is always in style, because life’s too short not to chuckle at your own decisions! 🎉😄

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

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