Commentary:
I always say "essentially" when I want to sound like I almost graduated from my TED Talk binge-watching university 🎓😄
101 Funny choice quotes
What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.
Commentary:
POMO: Pleasure Of Missing Out and seeing those crazy updates while you're chillin'. 😎🍿
Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.
Commentary:
Starting a new week like a detective in an existential mystery novel! 🔍🤔🎭
How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.
Commentary:
Trying to adult while still needing a calculator for basic math and singing the ABCs like it's a concert tour 🎤🧮🎶
Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.
Commentary:
Ah, yes, nothing like choosing your own adventure just to discover you've picked the scenic route to Regretville! 😅🗺️🤦♂️
Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.
Commentary:
Starting the day with kindness… but keeping the "grumpy" option on standby just in case 😄😜☕️
Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!
Commentary:
When Netflix's algorithm is 100% sure I need "A Documentary on Ant Farming" instead of the blockbuster I actually searched for! 📽️🐜🍿
I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.
Commentary:
Decisions, decisions… Can I just stress about winning the lottery to fund this dream trip? 🌍💸✈️
Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.
Commentary:
Congratulations on your new personal best in decision-making Olympics! 🏆🤪🎉
Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.
Commentary:
Sounds like I'm the same comedian whether I'm sipping tea or tequila 🤔🎭🥃