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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,273

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Just shared via Discord:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Spotted on Threads:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Shared recently on X:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Just shared via Facebook:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Funny death threat quotes

New funny death threat quotes 👇

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

2 weeks ago

apart, communication, death, death threat, humor, okay, relationship, sarcasm, threat, women

All funny death threat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Instagram this month:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

One thing I expect that we will learn from the vibe coding era is that most ‘idea guys’ don’t actually have very good ideas.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Going bananas on Facebook:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Just landed via Slack:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

Just shared via Instagram:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Just landed via Pinterest:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Just shared via Threads:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny death threat quotes

New funny death threat quotes 👇

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

All funny death threat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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