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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2394 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,556

Funny Quotes Topics

15,236

Funny Quotes Images

12,556

Updated

21 minutes ago

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Reported on WhatsApp:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Trending via Telegram:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Making waves on YouTube:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Live now on LinkedIn:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Home » Funny Dog Quotes » Page 3

129 Funny dog quotes

More funny dog quotes 👇

4 weeks ago
Share →: My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Commentary:
Imagine explaining hot dogs to someone in the Renaissance: "Picture this, a sausage robe for your meat king! 🌭🤔 And what's ketchup? It's…our version of a tomato potion! 🍅🧙‍♂️"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Commentary:
"Paying the bills so my dog can live like royalty. Who's the real boss here? 😂🐾👑"
4 weeks ago
Share →: When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Commentary:
"When I bark at a dog, all I can think is: 'Did I just ask him to do my taxes?' 🐶🗂️❓"
4 weeks ago
Share →: People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Commentary:
"Clearly, Steve was meant to be a dog with CEO potential! 🐶👔 Meanwhile, Buddy and Rocket are just living their best superhero sidekick lives. 😆🚀👦"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Commentary:
😂🐾 "When I stand, my dog thinks I'm a superhero on the move! Only problem is, the biggest 'mission' I embark on is finding the TV remote. 🦸‍♂️📺"
4 weeks ago
Share →: My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Commentary:
"Who's the real pet here? 🐶🤔 Clearly, I'm just here for belly rubs and kibble payments! 😂🐾"
4 weeks ago
Share →: I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Commentary:
"Guess I'm officially top dog in the shampoo department! 🐶✨ #FurRealFeeling"
4 weeks ago
Share →: There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Commentary:
🐶✨ "I need a 'Nope, don't do it' dog ASAP! My current life coach (my cat) just shrugs and walks away! 😂🙈"
1 month ago
Share →: Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Commentary:
"Uh oh, hide the treats! It's the pawlice 🚓🐾😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Commentary:
"At least he won't need a hearing aid yet! 🐶💤👴🤣"

For even more funny dog quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny dog quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

Just landed via Slack:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Just shared via Instagram:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Making waves on Messenger:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Seen just now on Telegram:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

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Activity Log ✨

129 Funny dog quotes

More funny dog quotes 👇

For even more funny dog quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny dog quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Not again. I mean good morning.

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

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