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130 Funny holiday quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Commentary:
"Looks like some traditions just never go out of style! 🦃😅 Bring on the shame, it's the perfect side dish for Thanksgiving dinner. 😂🙈"
5 months ago
Share →: According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Commentary:
🍫🎄 "Well, it looks like your chocolate advent calendar is ahead of its time – maybe it's eager for Christmas just like the rest of us! Who needs a calendar when you have chocolate telling you the future? Watch out for the wise-cracking chocolate on Christmas Eve! 😉🍫"
5 months ago
Share →: 76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Commentary:
"Looks like those turkeys just can't stay out of trouble! 🦃🚓 Maybe they're just too used to living life on the edge of the Thanksgiving table. Watch out for these repeat offenders… they might just be planning their next great escape! 🤣 #turkeytrouble"
5 months ago
Share →: Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Commentary:
"Looking to have the quickest Thanksgiving cleanup ever? Just casually mention politics and watch your guests bolt out the door faster than you can say 'pumpkin pie'! 🏃‍♂️🥧🦃 #ExitStrategy"
5 months ago
Share →: Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Commentary:
🎄🐱 It's time for the annual battle of Cat vs. Christmas Tree! Will the tree survive the day of feline antics, or will it be adorned with ornaments of mischief and mischief only? Stay tuned for the purr-fect drama! 😸 #CatmasTreeMayhem
5 months ago
Share →: Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Commentary:
"Ah, 'tis the season for embracing the crap with a side of sparkle! ✨ Who knew that holiday lights could add a touch of festivity to life's chaos? 🎄 Here's to turning our 'crappy' moments into twinkling triumphs! 💫"
5 months ago
Share →: We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

Commentary:
🎄🎵 Oh dear, are we reaching our jingle bell limit? Maybe we should gift-wrap the existing Christmas songs and save ourselves from a musical snowstorm! Let's leave space for the reindeer to dance, shall we? 🎅🎶 #EnoughIsEnough
5 months ago
Share →: Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Commentary:
"Christmas: the season of expanding waistlines and expanding fibs to the little ones! 🎅🍪🤥🎄 Who says you can't indulge in both delicious treats and creative storytelling at the same time? It's all in the holiday spirit! 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Commentary:
"Polar bears sipping on Coca Cola, just don't forget the marshmallows for their hot cocoa! 🍫🧊🥤❄️ #HolidayGoals #ChillVibes"
5 months ago
Share →: I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Commentary:
"Ah, the strategic overcooking approach – a brilliant method to avoid the infamous 'moist' discussion at the table 🦃🔥 Who knew the path to a peaceful holiday feast involved sacrificing a crispy turkey skin? 😂"