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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,621

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Shared recently on Discord:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Trending via Messenger:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Just landed via Instagram:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Just shared via WeChat:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Making waves on Telegram:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

82 shares on X this month:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the reason someone burns sage.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,598

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

My middle finger salutes you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Trending via Discord:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Making waves on X:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

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