Funny quotes Jesus

20 Funny Jesus quotes

Funny Jesus quotes bring a lighthearted touch to faith and humor! ✨😂 From witty remarks to playful observations, these quotes offer a fresh and amusing perspective on stories and lessons. Enjoy a laugh while reflecting on the fun side of spirituality! 😄🙏

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

3 hours ago

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

1 day ago

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

2 months ago

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

2 months ago

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

2 months ago

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

3 months ago

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

3 months ago

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

3 months ago

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

3 months ago

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

3 months ago

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

3 months ago

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

3 months ago

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

3 months ago

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

3 months ago

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

3 months ago

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

3 months ago

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

3 months ago

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

3 months ago

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

3 months ago

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

3 months ago