21 Funny Jesus quotes

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: “I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

  Commentary:
  "Whoa, playing it safe by covering all bases! 🤖🙏 #DivineConsultancy"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: “You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

  Commentary:
  "Exactly! I'm just trying to channel my inner Jesus vibes, one sip at a time 🍷😇 #WineWednesdayMiracles"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, Pilates – the workout so intense, it even has biblical origins! 💪🙏 Who knew getting those abs of steel could be so… divine? 😂 #HolyGains"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

  Commentary:
  Well, it seems like the only thing hotter than the core of a nuclear reactor is the drama unfolding before our eyes! Jesus take the wheel, because this meltdown is reaching Chernobyl levels of intensity. Someone call the firefighters, we've got a situation hotter than a reactor core here!

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

  Commentary:
  Well, if we're on Twitter like Jesus, does that mean we're spreading the digital version of salvation in 280 characters or less? 🙏📱 Just think of retweets as miracles and hashtags as blessings! 😄 #TwitterJesus #DigitalDiscipleship

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like even the Son of God isn't exempt from budget constraints! 💸🎂 Maybe Jesus prefers a potluck party with loaves and fishes? 🐟🍞"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

  Commentary:
  Looks like even the Wise Men can't resist the allure of modern technology! 👶📱 Maybe they're checking for the latest star navigation app? Or perhaps they're just really big fans of baby Jesus' social media updates! 😂🌟

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

  Commentary:
  "Who needs traditional Christmas movies when you've got Baby Jesus getting into the action with Die Hard? 🍿🎄 Talk about taking 'keeping an eye on things' to a whole new level! 😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

  Commentary:
  "Remember, Jesus didn't sacrifice himself for perfect angels! 😇 So go ahead, sin a little – you wouldn't want his dramatic sacrifice to go to waste now, would you? 😏🙌"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like we've got a new challenger for the ultimate party trick! 🍷💧 Sorry Jesus, seems like this person has some *serious* hydration skills on their side. 💪😄 #waterbender"

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