188 Funny job quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

  Commentary:
  "Applying for a job online is like sending your resume into a black hole and then getting interviewed like you were hand-picked by the heavens above 🌟💼 It's like, hey, I applied because I need a job and you had openings – it's not rocket science! 🚀😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

  Commentary:
  "Well, who knew incompetence could be the key to success in the corporate world? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe it's time to start making intentional mistakes! 😉 #PromotionByAccident"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the boss (aka YOU) is not feeling so generous with the budget lately 🤷‍♂️ Maybe it's time for a performance review with some self-reflection? 😅💼 #DIYBoss"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

  Commentary:
  "Desperate times call for desperate measures! 🤖👨‍🏭 Just remember, if AI takes over your job, at least you'll never have to worry about office drama or coffee breaks again! ☕️😄"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

  Commentary:
  "Finally free from the shackles of responsibility, I'm embarking on a new journey of profound laziness and unapologetic relaxation! 🛋️💤 Who knew my true passion was just lounging around all day? Here's to a future full of naps and Netflix binges! 🎉😆 #LivingTheDream"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the mysterious Schrodinger's Immigrant – mastering the art of being both industrious and idle all at once! 🤔💼🕰️ Should we applaud their multitasking skills or simply marvel at the quantum leaps in job security dynamics? 🤣👷‍♂️💼 #SchrodingersImmigrant #JobMarketJokes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

  Commentary:
  "Sorry LinkedIn, I may be open to snacks and naps, but work? That's a non-negotiable contract! 💼😂 #ProfessionalPriorities"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

  Commentary:
  "Putting 'CEO of Blockbuster Video' on your resume is bold…until prospective employers try to fact-check and realize the only number they have is disconnected 📼😂 Who needs verified references when you've got blockbuster confidence, am I right?"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, you have a talent for making stains disappear? Looks like you've found your calling! 💧👚 Just remember to always wear an apron – stained clothes aren't a good look for your resume! 😜👔"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

  Commentary:
  "Feeling incompetent at work? Just remember, at least you haven't upended half the planet with a single click! 😅💻 #SoftwareFail"

For even more funny job quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny job quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌