Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2332 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,494

Funny Quotes Topics

15,196

Funny Quotes Images

12,494

Updated

40 minutes ago

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Trending via Twitch:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Going viral on Messenger:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Reported on TikTok:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Making waves on Telegram:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Home » Funny Job Quotes » Page 5

247 Funny job quotes

More funny job quotes 👇

3 weeks ago
Share →: Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Commentary:
Me in therapy: "Guess what, I adulted today!" 😂💪 #AchievementUnlocked 🏆✨
3 weeks ago
Share →: Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Commentary:
Living my dream of being a professional couch potato! 🛋️🥔😁
3 weeks ago
Share →: Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Commentary:
Applying all my hut skills to become the ultimate Hut Manager! 🍕🕶️🏕️
3 weeks ago
Share →: Having a job ruined my life.

Commentary:
Jobs: the leading cause of weekend grief. 😅💼📅
3 weeks ago
Share →: Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Commentary:
When multitasking becomes a superpower, but nobody gets the cape. 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️💸
3 weeks ago
Share →: Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Commentary:
Trying to create the world's first high-five-fueled resignation 😆🙌🔜🚪
3 weeks ago
Share →: If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Commentary:
Guess I’ll need to bring my juggling skills to the office! 🤹‍♂️📈😅
3 weeks ago
Share →: My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Commentary:
Apparently, this freelance pet food critic is finickier than Gordon Ramsay with a fish dish 😹🐟🛍️
3 weeks ago
Share →: Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Commentary:
Dogs have mastered the ancient art of freeloading, and here we are still paying off student loans! 🐕🍖📚😅
3 weeks ago
Share →: If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Commentary:
Dream job: unpaid nap intern 😴💤🛌 #Goals

For even more funny job quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny job quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Going viral on X:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Going viral on Facebook:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Spotted on WeChat:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Just shared via X:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Just landed via Snapchat:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Spotted on Threads:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Shared recently on X:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Just shared via Slack:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

247 Funny job quotes

More funny job quotes 👇

For even more funny job quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny job quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

I told ChatGPT about us.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏