336 funny job quotes - Page 6 - Wordgag

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

May 24, 2026

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

May 24, 2026

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

May 23, 2026

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

May 23, 2026

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

May 23, 2026

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

May 23, 2026

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

May 23, 2026

You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

May 23, 2026

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

May 23, 2026

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

May 23, 2026

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

May 23, 2026

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

May 23, 2026

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

May 23, 2026

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

May 23, 2026

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

May 23, 2026

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

May 23, 2026

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

May 23, 2026

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

May 23, 2026

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

May 23, 2026

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

May 23, 2026

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

May 23, 2026

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

May 23, 2026

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

May 23, 2026

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

May 23, 2026

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

May 23, 2026

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

May 23, 2026

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

May 23, 2026

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

May 23, 2026

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

May 23, 2026

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

May 23, 2026

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

May 23, 2026

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

May 23, 2026

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

May 23, 2026

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

May 23, 2026

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

May 23, 2026

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

May 23, 2026

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

May 23, 2026

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

May 22, 2026

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

May 22, 2026

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

May 22, 2026