336 funny job quotes - Page 7 - Wordgag

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

May 22, 2026

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

May 22, 2026

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

May 22, 2026

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

May 22, 2026

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

May 22, 2026

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

May 22, 2026

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

May 22, 2026

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

May 22, 2026

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

May 22, 2026

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

May 22, 2026

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

May 22, 2026

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

May 22, 2026

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

May 22, 2026

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

May 22, 2026

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

May 22, 2026

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

May 22, 2026

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

May 22, 2026

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

May 22, 2026

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

May 22, 2026

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

May 22, 2026

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

May 22, 2026

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

May 22, 2026

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

May 22, 2026

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

May 21, 2026

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

May 21, 2026

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

May 21, 2026

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

May 21, 2026

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

May 21, 2026

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

May 21, 2026

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

May 21, 2026

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

May 21, 2026

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

May 21, 2026

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

May 21, 2026

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

May 21, 2026

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

May 21, 2026

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

May 21, 2026

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

May 21, 2026

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

May 21, 2026

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

May 21, 2026

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

May 21, 2026