I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Commentary:
"Ah, the struggle of modern parenting – trying to resist the temptation of naming your kids after household items or exotic foods just for the sake of Instagram fame. Imagine the chaos at roll call: 'Banjo, Parmesan, Chandelier, are you all present and accounted for?' It's a tough job being a parent, but someone's gotta do it without turning their child into a walking menu item."

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Commentary:
"Kids have it all figured out, don't they? Meanwhile, I'm over here still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe I should start taking career advice from kindergarteners!"

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Commentary:
🎲🤔 "To all the gift-givers of board games for my kids: your presents have officially declared you as honorary family members! So tell us, when can we expect you to make your grand return and actually play with them? We've got Monopoly set up and ready to test friendships… 😉"

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Commentary:
"Teaching valuable life lessons one rigged movie night at a time! 🍕🎥💸 Who says democracy can't be deliciously cheesy and entertaining? 😄 #Parenting101"