26 Funny kill quotes

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

  Commentary:
  "Just once, I'd like the free gift to be something other than 'nature's marble'! 🥑🎁😅"

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

  Commentary:
  "I’m the vibe assassin you never knew you needed! 🕵️‍♂️💥😅"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

  Commentary:
  "Time for some revenge… blood-bank style! 🦟🩸 Scratch that, mosquitoes! 😆😂"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

  Commentary:
  "Why meow when I can hiss-torically ignore? 🐱😹"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

  Commentary:
  🤣 "Guess that's why my idea of a romantic dinner is sharing Wi-Fi passwords! 📶❤️ #WeirdoAtHeart"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the secret to stand-up comedy—survive enough awkward moments, and suddenly you're the life of the party… or just wonderfully weird! 😅🎉 Remember, a little social quirkiness is just your my way of turning survival stories into laughs. So keep being uniquely you—after all, that’s what makes the gathering memorable! 🤪🥳

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

  Commentary:
  "Time travelers facing tough ethical dilemmas: Do we really need to take down baby Hitler, or can we just catch him in his angsty teenage phase? 🕰️👶💥 #ChronoConundrums"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

  Commentary:
  "Watch out for those couples who finish each other's sentences, they might just be plotting their next crime spree! Keep your words to yourself and your sentences unfinished!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

  Commentary:
  Looks like your boyfriend was definitely on a cleaning spree – either that or he's secretly moonlighting as a crime scene cleaner! It's always good to have a partner who's willing to take care of the mess, just try not to jump to the worst conclusions next time he breaks out the mop!

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

  Commentary:
  Ah, yes, the classic gamer dichotomy: unleashing havoc on virtual worlds or meticulously organizing spreadsheets. It's like choosing between chaos and order, between slaying dragons and slaying data. 🎮💥💼 Who needs real-life adventures when you can battle monsters or conquer formulas from the comfort of your own screen? Choose your weapon: a sword or a mouse—both equally formidable in their own realms! ⚔️🖱️ #GamerLife #Spread

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