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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,325

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Broadcasted on Discord:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Going bananas on WeChat:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Making waves on Reddit:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Seen just now on Threads:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Freshly posted on Slack:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Making waves on X:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Just shared via Twitch:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Going bananas on TikTok:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

38 Funny kill quotes

Funny kill quotes bring a hilarious twist to intense moments 🎯💥, mixing wit and dark humor that’ll make you laugh out loud 😂🔥. Perfect for gamers, movie buffs, or anyone who loves a clever punchline with a little edge 🎮🎬. Ready to add some humor to those epic wins or dramatic scenes? Let’s dive into the funniest lines that kill with laughter! 💀🤣

New funny kill quotes 👇

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

1 week ago

adversity, humor, kill, life, pain, resilience, sarcasm, struggle, wish
Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

1 week ago

AI, AI evolution, apocalypse, Cloudflare, ever, evolution, fail, humor, imagine, internet, internet outage, joke, kill, outage, survival, tech, tech fail, technology, thing, trying, us
I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

1 week ago

humor, i, joke, kill, kindness, lightsaber, pun, star, Star Wars, understand, wars
I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

1 week ago

activity, check, discovery, entertainment, fun, good, half, hour, humor, i, kill, movie, pretty, time
I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

1 week ago

am, communication, English, fly, going, hard, humor, i, insect, kill, language, leave, right, say, threat, wish
Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

1 week ago

attitude, humor, hydrated, hydration, just, kill, laugh, let, little, motivation, much, people, positivity, reminder, self-care, stay, vibe
What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

1 week ago

adversity, dark, dark humor, humor, kill, resilience, sense, survival, twisted, wit
I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

1 week ago

best, communication, dying, everyone, humor, i, interaction, irony, kill, kindness, personality, sarcasm, social, social interaction
Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

1 week ago

another, avocado, ball, different, disappointment, frustration, gift, humor, kill, makers, put, sarcasm, surprise, toy, wooden, wooden ball
I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

1 week ago

attitude, humor, kill, sarcasm, social, vibe

For even more funny kill quotes, hit next 👇

All funny kill quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Messenger this month:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

76 shares on Facebook this month:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

85 shares on Facebook this month:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

58 shares on Slack this month:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Never trust a wet fart.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

“Winter is literally the best season.” Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Going bananas on Discord:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Trending via TikTok:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Spotted on YouTube:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Just landed via Twitch:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

Breaking via X:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Going viral on X:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

Seen just now on X:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

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