876 Funny life quotes

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  1 month ago

  Share →: I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

  Commentary:
  🌊😆 "Jetskis: The ultimate ride-or-die! Either way, you'll have a splash!" 🚤💦

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

  Commentary:
  😂 "So true! It's like living with a furry surveillance buddy who's always one sniff away from being banned on a plane! 🐶👀💩🔍"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

  Commentary:
  🐾🐙 "Theo Von's life: one part raccoon, two parts unexpected subway adventure. Just waiting for him to ask a pigeon for directions. 🚇🗽"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

  Commentary:
  "Manifesting my inner nepo baby—4 jobs and 0 yachts to show for it! 🛍️🛥️💸 #WhereDidIGoWrong"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

  Commentary:
  "When touching your toes feels like an Olympic sport. 🏋️‍♂️🧘‍♀️😅"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

  Commentary:
  "Looks like I'm on the 'something' rollercoaster and forgot to get off! 🎢😅 What's next, a loop-de-loop?"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

  Commentary:
  "Life goal: Be the quick brown fox on days ending in 'y' 🦊😂 #LazyDogMode"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

  Commentary:
  "Finally, a place where questionable advice meets relatable chaos! 🐦😂 #AdultingTogether"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

  Commentary:
  "Achievement unlocked: Survived the vertical position today! ☕️😴 #Overachiever"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

  Commentary:
  "Nothing like a sugar-coated existential crisis! 🍩😅 #SweetEscape #TreatYoSelf"

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