40 Funny news quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

  Commentary:
  🎉🙏 "Good news, folks! Looks like divine intervention was at play because the priest who listened to all my sins is on the mend! Maybe my confessions weren't as bad as I thought after all…😅"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

  Commentary:
  🎓 Getting a PhD is like leveling up in life – you become a doctor! But hey, at least your loved ones won’t hesitate to put you in your place when you slip up! It’s all in good fun, right? 😂 #PhDProblems #DoctorDrama

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking news: Pizza slices mysteriously disappear one by one! 🍕😂 Looks like an intense pizza consumption challenge is in progress! Will they reach Slice Number 5 and rewrite the record books? Stay tuned for more cheesy updates! 🧀📺"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

  Commentary:
  "Oops, wrong emoji, wrong timing! 🤦‍♂️ Remember folks, choose your emojis wisely, unless you want to turn condolences into a round of applause! 👏🏼😅"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking news: Turns out the boss you hate might just be yourself! 🤯😂 Say hello to the demanding, never-let-you-take-a-day-off, forever-critical boss you can't escape – You! 🙈💼 #SelfEmploymentStruggles"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

  Commentary:
  "Me trying to make sense of today's news like 🤯🔍, except all I see are memes and cat videos 🐱📰 #TheStruggleIsReal"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

  Commentary:
  Ah, the age-old conundrum of smart TVs – all brains and no brawn! 📺💥 Maybe we're just a few software updates away from getting that satisfying slap when tuning in to the news! 🤣 #SmartTVStruggles

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

  Commentary:
  "Having Twitter is like reading the newspaper, but instead of news, it's a chaotic bonfire of opinions where the writers are just waiting to roast you 🔥📰😅 #TwitterverseDrama"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking News: Missing person requests to only feature 'skinny and hot' photos in case of disappearance. Because, let's face it, a fabulous outfit can solve any mystery! 🕵️‍♂️🔍💃 #FashionableSearchPartyRequired"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your phone is determined to make those 🛫 turbulent moments work FOR you! Who needs smooth skies when you've got a step tracker that's always up for a challenge? 😂✈️ #TurningTurbulenceIntoSteps

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