241 Funny over quotes

58 shares on Instagram this month:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

15 shares on Threads this month:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.