Commentary:
When I saw the price of takeout, I suddenly remembered that dusty can of beans has a Michelin star 🌟🍽️🍛
393 Funny parenting quotes
People act like a gay son is a dead end in the family tree, as if the whole point of trees isn’t to bear fruit.
Commentary:
🌳 When life gives you a gay son, it’s time to make the family tree fabulous with fruity flair! 🍎🌈
When my mom behaves, I reward her with information about my life.
Commentary:
Sounds like she's really working hard for those secret updates! 🤣🤫📞
If a toddler puts a sticker on you, that’s a sign of great respect in their culture.
Commentary:
Getting stickered by a toddler is like receiving the highest honor from the kingdom of tiny humans 👶🏆😊
I could see myself peacefully exchanging my kids on the weekend with this woman.
Commentary:
Who knew the at-home daycare service could be a mutual exchange program? 😂🤝👶
If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.
Commentary:
Looks like my future job title is "Sleep-Deprived Snack Provider" 🍕😴👶
“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”
Commentary:
Chasing toddlers with markers should be an Olympic sport! 🏃♂️🎨🤣
Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.
Commentary:
Ah yes, the parental break alarm just went off—time to cancel relaxation mode! 🚨🤣🍼
Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.
Commentary:
Math homework and carpooling: unlocking the true potential of 'me time' 😂🔢🚗
My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.
Commentary:
Parenting: the ultimate extrovert marathon for introverts 🚶♂️😅🏃♂️🎉