385 Funny parenting quotes

• The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

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  5 days ago

  1, butt, childhood, difference, humor, hygiene, i, me, parent, parenting, poop, priority, toddler

• Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

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  5 days ago

  baby, bro, cry, humor, just, parenting, sleep, stopping, tired, why

• Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

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  5 days ago

  2100, future, humor, i, just, kid, parenting, realization, surprise, time, WTF, year, year 2100

• I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

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  5 days ago

  bad, family, fear, feel, getting, grandkid, grandkids, hope, humor, i, me, never, parent, parenting, parents, pregnancy, pregnant, proud, scare, scare tactic, scared, tactic, teenager

• Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

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  5 days ago

  childhood, days, died, humor, i, injury, kids, me, mom, once, parenting, pretty, resilience, soft, sure, toughness, walk, walk it off

• Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

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  5 days ago

  brag, child, children, communication, everything, humor, i, irony, knowledge, parenting, today, told

• I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

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  5 days ago

  child, children, ed, family, humor, husband, multitasking, opinion, parenting, phone, pregnancy, run, scrolling, sex, sex ed, should, strong, taught, third, through, weeks, while, wild, woman

• I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

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  5 days ago

  admire, baby, behavior, drop, hold, humor, i, just, parenting, something, toddler, want

• My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.

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  6 days ago

  answer, dinner, family, going, happy, humor, kid, kids, know, mealtime, parenting, question, sarcasm, want

• My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

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  6 days ago

  child, equivalent, family, father, humor, joke, kid, kids, parenting, sibling, time, want, zero

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