Commentary:
Sounds like your kids have mastered mind reading! 🧠🔮🤣
389 Funny parenting quotes
I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.
Commentary:
Having a seasoned pro teach sex ed is like learning to swim from a shark—you're definitely getting the real deal! 🦈😅📱
I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.
Commentary:
Proof that babies are the original mic drop artists 🎤👶✨
My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.
Commentary:
Guess it's another night of "Not pizza again!" 🙄🍕
My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.
Commentary:
Dad-math strikes again: 2 kids = 0 kids. 🤔🧮👶👶
My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.
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Goals so big the kids gotta clock in early! 😂🏡👶💼
“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”
Commentary:
Abdul security: level 1000 🤣🔒 #NameGameStrong
(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.
Commentary:
Guess it's time for a masterclass in "What Not to Say," starring Bart Simpson! 😂📺🗣️
Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
Commentary:
Living the dream, sounds like a real nightmare! 😂😎
Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.
Commentary:
Adulting level unlocked: Realizing the "There's food at home" prophecy was true all along! 🍞🏠😂