48 funny religion quotes - Wordgag

Why will Satan torture people in hell for disobeying the same God he disobeyed?

May 29, 2026

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

May 28, 2026

I have the body of a god. Sadly, it’s Buddha after brunch.

May 28, 2026

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

May 27, 2026

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

May 27, 2026

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

May 27, 2026

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

May 27, 2026

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

May 26, 2026

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

May 26, 2026

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

May 26, 2026

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

May 26, 2026

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

May 25, 2026

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

May 25, 2026

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

May 25, 2026

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

May 25, 2026

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

May 25, 2026

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

May 24, 2026

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

May 24, 2026

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

May 24, 2026

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

May 23, 2026

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

May 23, 2026

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

May 23, 2026

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

May 23, 2026

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

May 22, 2026

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

May 22, 2026

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

May 22, 2026

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

May 22, 2026

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

May 22, 2026

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

May 21, 2026

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

May 21, 2026

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

May 21, 2026

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

May 21, 2026

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

May 21, 2026

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

May 21, 2026

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

May 21, 2026

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

May 21, 2026

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

May 20, 2026

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

May 20, 2026

I’m going to hell in every religion.

May 20, 2026

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

May 20, 2026