46 Funny religion quotes

• I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

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  1 month ago

  belief, humor, miracle, observation, religion, skepticism, someone, water, wine

• Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

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  1 month ago

  faith, God, godparent, humor, joke, parenting, recruitment, religion, standard

• I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

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  1 month ago

  i, kindness, nice, people, religion, wish

• Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

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  1 month ago

  corner, hatred, imagine, just, losing, me, religion, sitting, spotlight

• The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

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  1 month ago

  apple, bible, eating, escalate, humor, irony, murder, religion, second, sin, storytelling

• Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

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  1 month ago

  died, humor, irony, Jesus, morality, nothing, philosophy, religion, sacrifice, sin, sins

• Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

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  1 month ago

  animals, dark, dark humor, here, humor, irony, me, religion, running, sacrifice, Satan, stop, zoo

• God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

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  1 month ago

  bastards, creation, divine, existence, God, humor, i, irony, joke, never, religion, should

• If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

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  1 month ago

  Adam, creation, God, humor, irony, mankind, religion, sterilization, turn

• The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

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  1 month ago

  allergy, Catholicism, concept, crosses, humor, i, interesting, just, me, religion, vampires, wonder

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