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83 Funny routine quotes

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

3 months ago

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

3 months ago

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

3 months ago

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

3 months ago

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

3 months ago

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

3 months ago

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

3 months ago

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

3 months ago

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

3 months ago

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

3 months ago

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

3 months ago

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

3 months ago

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

3 months ago

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

3 months ago

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

3 months ago

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

3 months ago

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

3 months ago

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

3 months ago

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

3 months ago

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

3 months ago