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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,661

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.

Shared recently on Slack:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Just landed via Telegram:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Live now on Slack:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Funny simple person quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Slack this month:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

The book characters may be fictional, but my emotional instability over them is real.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

35 shares on X this month:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

52 shares on X this month:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

89 shares on YouTube this month:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,418

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Making waves on Messenger:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Trending via YouTube:

All I think about is death and sex.

Spotted on TikTok:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Trending via Instagram:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Broadcasted on Threads:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Live now on Telegram:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

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