Funny sweet guy quotes

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People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

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It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

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Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

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Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

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Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

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I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

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“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

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Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

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Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

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50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.