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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

9 minutes ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Making waves on Twitch:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Reported on Threads:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Shared recently on Slack:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Going viral on Reddit:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Going viral on Reddit:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Home » Funny Take Quotes

159 Funny take quotes

Funny take quotes 😂🎭 are like the comedic superheroes of the quote universe, swooping in to save the day with a punchline and a wink. They’re the perfect blend of wisdom and wit, turning life’s curveballs into lighthearted laughs. Whether you need a giggle or a grin, these clever quips are here to tickle your funny bone and brighten your day with a delightful dose of humor. Get ready to chuckle! 🤣✨

New funny take quotes 👇

4 hours ago
Share →: When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Commentary:
Trying to decide if I should charge a "fat tax" whenever someone drains my energy 😂🍕💪
16 hours ago
Share →: The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Commentary:
When you hit 50, your bladder gets a promotion: Director of Urgency! 🚽😂
5 days ago
Share →: Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Commentary:
That sounds like my daily emotional rollercoaster on social media 🎢🧐💬👀💕
1 week ago
Share →: There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Commentary:
Seems like we need an "UNDO" button for compliments on these folks! 😂🔄💬
1 week ago
Share →: Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Commentary:
Looks like even Gandalf couldn't handle the epic smell battles and orc-style fashion show! 🧙‍♂️💨😂
1 week ago
Share →: “That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Commentary:
Trying my best to look interested while my brain is on a coffee break. ☕😴📡
1 week ago
Share →: When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Commentary:
If only those energy vampires could multitask, I'd have a six-pack by now! 😂🧛‍♀️💪
1 week ago
Share →: Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Commentary:
When your brain insists on being your heart's chaperone 😄🧠❤️
1 week ago
Share →: I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Commentary:
Suddenly realizing that my camera doubles as a time machine 😂📸🥦🍩
1 week ago
Share →: Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Commentary:
Celebrating the thrilling amusement park ride that comes free with every haircut! 🎢💇‍♂️🎈

For even more funny take quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny take quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

9 minutes ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Just shared via Slack:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Going viral on Facebook:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Spotted on Threads:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Going viral on YouTube:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Just shared via Twitch:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

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