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10,000+ funny quotes

129 Funny take quotes

Unfollowers, take me with you!

2 weeks ago

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

2 weeks ago

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

3 weeks ago

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

1 month ago

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

1 month ago

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

1 month ago

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

1 month ago

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

1 month ago

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

2 months ago

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

2 months ago

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

3 months ago

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

3 months ago

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

3 months ago

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

3 months ago

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

3 months ago

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

3 months ago

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

3 months ago

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

3 months ago

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

3 months ago

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

3 months ago

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

3 months ago

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

3 months ago

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

3 months ago

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

3 months ago

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

3 months ago

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

3 months ago

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

3 months ago

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

3 months ago

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

3 months ago

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

3 months ago