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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,372

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Just shared via YouTube:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Spotted on Slack:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Going viral on X:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Breaking via Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Being a girl must be so easy. All you do is cry all day and text 10 different guys.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

223 Funny take quotes

Funny take quotes 😂🎭 are like the comedic superheroes of the quote universe, swooping in to save the day with a punchline and a wink. They’re the perfect blend of wisdom and wit, turning life’s curveballs into lighthearted laughs. Whether you need a giggle or a grin, these clever quips are here to tickle your funny bone and brighten your day with a delightful dose of humor. Get ready to chuckle! 🤣✨

New funny take quotes 👇

Type of person to take the long way home just to listen to more music.

7 days ago

detour, driving, enjoyment, home, journey, just, listen, long way, music, person, personality, take, type
Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

7 days ago

chores, dish, dishes, garbage, health, humor, laundry, load, mental, mental health, myself, self-care, take, unfortunately, vacuum, wash
Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?

7 days ago

anything, care, daily, daily struggle, day, dialogue, every, frustration, humor, i, idiot, inner, inner dialogue, me, own, self-awareness, self-care, self-deprecating, self-deprecating humor, single, struggle, take, why
My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

7 days ago

asked, family, humor, i, laughter, me, memory, mom, screenshot, shoe, take, taught, teaching, technology, tie
Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

1 week ago

anyone, away, ever, frustration, give, greeting, grok, humor, lord, prayer, said, sarcasm, suffering, take
Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie.

1 week ago

distraction, etiquette, humor, invent, invention, movie, needs, phone, roof, seat, someone, take, technology, theater, theater seat, through
The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

1 week ago

band, Floyd, humor, joke, little, music, pink, Pink Floyd, rock, rock band, singing, slow, slow start, start, take, thing, while
It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

1 week ago

bathroom, bathroom break, break, breaks, health, humor, hydrated, hydration, important, office, productivity, stay, take, water, work
Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

1 week ago

dating, hell, humor, i, know, relationship, spot, take, woman, women
Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

1 week ago

actually, AI, back, ChatGPT, dumb, dumb take, humor, intelligence, just, otherwise, sarcasm, smart, take, technology, using

For even more funny take quotes, hit next 👇

All funny take quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Messenger this month:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

80 shares on Slack this month:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Breaking via Telegram:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Seen just now on Slack:

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

Trending via Telegram:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Just shared via Discord:

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

Breaking via Slack:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Making waves on WeChat:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

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