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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 15818 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,814 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 30, 2026

 

 

 

 

223 Funny take quotes

Funny take quotes 😂🎭 are like the comedic superheroes of the quote universe, swooping in to save the day with a punchline and a wink. They’re the perfect blend of wisdom and wit, turning life’s curveballs into lighthearted laughs. Whether you need a giggle or a grin, these clever quips are here to tickle your funny bone and brighten your day with a delightful dose of humor. Get ready to chuckle! 🤣✨

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Posted onMay 28, 2026

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Posted onMay 27, 2026

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Posted onMay 27, 2026

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Posted onMay 27, 2026

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Posted onMay 27, 2026

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

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