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211 Funny thing quotes

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I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.
Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.
It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’
Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.
Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

More funny thing quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Commentary:
Ah, the perks of aging gracefully – stumbling into the bushes sober like a true pro! Who knew that growing older would come with such exciting surprises, like letting gravity do all the work for you. Embrace the graceful elegance of becoming one with nature, shrubbery and all!
3 months ago
Share →: If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Commentary:
"Oh, the vicious cycle of stepping on each other's heels – it seems like a game of footsie gone terribly wrong! Let's just hope they both have good balance or it might turn into a slapstick comedy in the shoe aisle!"
3 months ago
Share →: Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Commentary:
"Ah, the humble carrot – nature's way of saying 'Enjoy this healthy snack… and be prepared to raid the fridge later!' It's the ultimate tease for your taste buds, keeping hunger at bay while sneakily plotting its revenge. Clever little veggie, isn't it?"
3 months ago
Share →: Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Commentary:
"Boys may be like a box of chocolates – sometimes sweet, sometimes nutty, but always a little messy! Just remember, it's all part of the charm… or so they say!"
3 months ago
Share →: Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal allure of a dimly-lit cobblestone street and a devilish companion! 😈🌃 Sounds like the perfect recipe for a memorable night out. Who needs a knight in shining armor when you can stroll with the devil in style, right ladies? 😉👠 #DevilishlyDelightful
4 months ago
Share →: They should invent a good thing that happens.

Commentary:
"If only there was a 'Good Luck Fairy' we could summon whenever needed! 🧚‍♂️ Maybe we can start a petition for that! 😉✨"
4 months ago
Share →: They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like some people have a talent for asking questions at the most inconvenient times! Who knew that pondering the existence of stupid questions could lead to such a hilariously ironic wake-up call? Just remember, even if you're asleep, your sense of humor is always wide awake!
4 months ago
Share →: The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, because nothing says conflict resolution like settling disputes with a good old-fashioned duel. Just imagine the corporate boardroom meetings spicing things up with some swordplay and pistols at dawn. Who needs HR when you have honor and a steady hand, right?"
4 months ago
Share →: The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Commentary:
"Well, they do say that gaining weight is just a sign that you're really good at enjoying life to the fullest! Looks like you've been winning at that game this year!"
4 months ago
Share →: Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Commentary:
"Autocorrect: the tiny drunk roommate in your phone who thinks they're a spelling genius but really just creates a comedy of errors."