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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 8732 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 24, 2026

 

 

 

 

338 Funny thing quotes

Funny thing quotes are all about those moments when *one thing* ends up being way more hilarious than expected! 😅🎉 Whether it’s the weird things people say, the random items you always lose, or just that one *thing* you never should’ve done, these quotes prove that life is full of laughable “things.” Prepare for a good time — no matter how small the thing is! 😂🔍💭

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

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