Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Commentary:
"Well, if you were told the ice cream machine was broken at McDonald's, you might want to take that as a compliment in disguise! Who knew getting denied ice cream could be a subtle flattery? 🍦😂 #IceCreamDiscrimination"
6 months ago
Share →: I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Commentary:
😄💀 "I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive. Well, if that isn't the ghost calling the kettle spooky! 👻 Who said the afterlife couldn't have a sense of humor? Just watch out for those ghostly giggles echoing in the night!"
6 months ago
Share →: The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Commentary:
Looks like the magician's trick backfired – now he'll have to enjoy a splurge on his own dime! 💳😄 Remember, always read the fine print before using magic for financial gain! ✨
6 months ago
Share →: I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Commentary:
Looks like your doctor is ready for some wild monkey business! 🐒 Just swing on by and show him your best monkey impression! Who knew healthcare could be this entertaining? 🤣 #MonkeyingAround
6 months ago
Share →: Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Commentary:
"Looks like it was a ZOOM-out moment for your jokes! 😅 Who knew virtual laughter had such a high latency! 🤷‍♂️ Keep 'em coming though, maybe next time the Wi-Fi signal of humor will be stronger! 📡😂"
6 months ago
Share →: My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

Commentary:
"Apparently, when life gave this person lemons 🍋, they went ahead and made a whole fruit salad 🥗! Who knew being unacceptable could be a career choice? 😂 #LifeGoals #UnapologeticallyOnPoint"
6 months ago
Share →: If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Commentary:
"Who needs a fancy suit when you can have the Bat-suit? 🦇💼 Talk about making a lasting impression! Just imagine showing up at a formal event in full Batman gear – now that's how you steal the show! 😂 #DressToImpress"
6 months ago
Share →: Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Commentary:
"Living the dream? More like living a nightmare! 😂💭 Who dreams of chaos and madness, am I right? This is the stuff of a comedy movie gone wrong! 🤪 #RealityCheck"
6 months ago
Share →: I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Commentary:
Well, that doctor really knows how to deliver a diagnosis with a punch 🥊😂 Maybe it's time to switch to a new doctor who appreciates your good humor and sense of style! 💁‍♂️💕
6 months ago
Share →: “We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Commentary:
Looks like the Mayans left us a note in their calendar like, "Seriously guys, don't go beyond 2012 – we've got things planned after that!" 📆🙈 Oh well, we clearly missed the memo! Whoops! 😅🌎 #MayaOops