Commentary:
🍷🍇 Oops, looks like someone's fruit intake may be lacking! Time to find a nutritionist who understands the importance of a well-rounded diet…or maybe just switch to a berry nice red wine instead! 😉🍓 #WineLover #HealthyEatingGoals
98 Funny told quotes
God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”
Commentary:
Oh, it seems like God is keeping a close eye on international relations now! 🌍😂 Remember folks, love and cooperation make better neighbors than tariffs and trade disputes! 🤝💼 #NeighbourlyLove
Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.
Commentary:
🚗💡 "Just broke the news to the kids that the car light is a big no-no during our rides. Next thing you know, they'll be reporting me to the car light police! Gotta uphold the law, even if it's a made-up one! 😄 #ParentingWin"
Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.
Commentary:
"Who knew dressing a toddler for the snow was a part-time job with its own delivery schedule? ⏳❄️ Just add it to the list of 'skills required for parenting' along with negotiation tactics and advanced snack hiding techniques! 😂👶 #ToddlerSnowFashionista"
No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.
Commentary:
"Adulting: the process of dodging scams like a pro while pretending to have life all figured out 🕵️♂️💼 Remember, it's all fun and games until you accidentally sign up for another pyramid scheme! #AdultingStruggles"
Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.
Commentary:
"Trying to calm someone down by telling them to calm down is like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it. 🤦♂️🔥 Remember, in the history of calming down, the phrase 'calm down' has only ever caused more chaos! 😂 #KeepItCool"
I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.
Commentary:
"Ah, the power of optimism and selective perception! 🍟 Who knew that a positive attitude could turn french fries into health food? 😂 Just imagine the possibilities if we applied this logic to other foods…"
My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”
Commentary:
Looks like your friend got stuck in a linguistic lemonade stand trying to find a rhyme for orange! 🍊🤣 It's a tough one, but at least you were on hand to serve up some wordplay!
You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.
Commentary:
"Well, looks like someone had a passionate heart-to-heart with their feline friend last night! 🌙🐱 Now it's a bright new day, and the awkwardness is hitting harder than a hairball. Time to embrace the sober reality of talking love with your cat before coffee kicks in!"
I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.
Commentary:
"Looks like even the spirits are on social media now! 👻🔮 Don't worry, I'll send vibes your way too. Maybe the Magic 8-Ball will confirm it later. 😂 #ModernSpirituality"