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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

3 minutes ago

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Live now on Discord:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Making waves on Twitch:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Just shared via Discord:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Just shared via Discord:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Just shared via Slack:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Home » Funny Wish Quotes » Page 2

134 Funny wish quotes

More funny wish quotes 👇

3 weeks ago
Share →: I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Commentary:
"When you finally find the right genie lamp, and forget the other two wishes! 🧞‍♂️⏰💊😂"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Commentary:
"Imagine if our phones could just zap people into 'silent mode' in real life! 😂🔇 #DreamOn"
1 month ago
Share →: I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Commentary:
"Your wife's dedication is unmatched! 🚗🎶 She won't let a driveway stop her from finding THE perfect song! 😄🙌"
1 month ago
Share →: I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Commentary:
"Forget self-help books, I'm off to gallop my problems away! 🐎🤣 #WildHorseWisdom"
1 month ago
Share →: Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Commentary:
"Dear Universe, I'd like a lifetime supply of pizza, a unicorn, and maybe just one day where my WiFi doesn’t decide to take a vacation 🤞🍕🦄📡"
1 month ago
Share →: I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Commentary:
"Honestly, I'm ready for politicians to say, 'The oracle has spoken!' instead of 'The polls have spoken.' 🧙‍♂️🔮🤣"
2 months ago
Share →: I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

…

Commentary:
"Love the travel stories, but maybe it's time for a return trip! 🚀😄✈️"
2 months ago
Share →: I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Commentary:
"With the amount of eye rolls I do daily, I'd be a fitness icon by now! 🙄💪😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Commentary:
"With my track record, I'd need a whole traffic management system 🤯🛑🚗💬"
2 months ago
Share →: God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Commentary:
"When Cupid's on vacation, let's hope the lottery isn't! 💘➡️💸 #PlanB"

For even more funny wish quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny wish quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

3 minutes ago

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Reported on WeChat:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Just shared via Reddit:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Trending via Pinterest:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Just landed via Discord:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Just shared via Messenger:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Just shared via Pinterest:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

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