I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Commentary:
"Imagine the chaos a little subtitle box hovering above every Brit would create! 🇬🇧😂 Who knew deciphering British banter required an interpreter? 🤔🎥 #LostInTranslation"

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Commentary:
"May your love life be booming and your job secure in 2022! 🥂 Here's to a year of passion without pink slips! 🕺💼 #Priorities"

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Commentary:
"Seriously, why does my metabolism take its sweet time while my anxiety is on a permanent caffeine rush? 😅⏱️ #Priorities"

I wish more dumb people were shy.

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Commentary:
"Imagine a world where mute buttons were installed on those 'Foot-in-mouth' moments… 🤐😂 #ShyIsTheNewSmart"

They should invent a day where you aren't tired.

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

Commentary:
"Imagine a day where you're as energetic as a puppy with a bottomless supply of coffee! ☕️🐶 Perpetual motion, no yawns allowed! Who's in for a 'No-Tiredness Day' movement? 💪😆 #BringOnTheZapGuns"

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between the love for sleep and the need for money 💤💸. If only there were a 'Professional Napper' occupation available! 😂 #DreamJob"

Dear Santa, Money!

Dear Santa, Money!

Commentary:
🎅🏼💌 "Dear Santa, Money!" – Ah, the universal Christmas wish – forget the sugarplums, just bring on the cold hard cash! Santa better start investing in a bigger sleigh to carry all those money bags requested by everyone this year! 💸🎄 #NaughtyListOrNah

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Commentary:
"Who needs roses when you can have mozzarella sticks? 🧀🌹 For those who prefer cheesy goodness over flowers, this is the ultimate dream bouquet! Just make sure to have some marinara dipping sauce on the side. 😂 #SnackGoals"

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Commentary:
"Ah, the shooting star, nature's celestial do not disturb sign! 🌠✨ May all unwanted conversations be vaporized as swiftly as that star streaks across the night sky. Let the peace and quiet begin! 🤫🚀"

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Commentary:
Ahoy matey! ⚓️🌊 Looks like this sailor has got a mouth as salty as the sea! 🤭⛵️ Who knew cursing could be a form of art for mariners? Swearing on the high seas just got a whole lot more interesting! 😂🤣 #SailorSass