Funny quotes workplace

130 Funny workplace quotes

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

2 weeks ago

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

2 weeks ago

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

2 weeks ago

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

1 month ago

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

1 month ago

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

1 month ago

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

1 month ago

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

1 month ago

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

1 month ago

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

1 month ago

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

1 month ago

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

1 month ago

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

1 month ago

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

2 months ago

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

2 months ago

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

2 months ago

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

3 months ago

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

3 months ago

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

3 months ago

You should be able to call in sad to work.

3 months ago

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

3 months ago

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

3 months ago

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

3 months ago

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

3 months ago

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

3 months ago

I hope this email finds you in a well.

3 months ago

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

3 months ago

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

3 months ago

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

3 months ago

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

3 months ago