Someone from has downloaded:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Someone from has downloaded:

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

Someone from has copied:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from has downloaded:

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Someone from has shared:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

Someone from has downloaded:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Someone from has viewed:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Someone from has copied:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.