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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Trending via Pinterest:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Seen just now on X:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the irony of our modern lives! 🌞😅 Who needs sunshine when you've got emails to read, right? Keep on shining bright at that desk! 💻☀️"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

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