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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

Spotted on Discord:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Just shared via Discord:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Seen just now on YouTube:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Live now on Facebook:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about choosing royal favor over modern capitalism's chaos.

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Commentary:
"Talk about bad luck! 😂 Bet living in a palace beats dealing with capitalism any day. 🏰☀️ #FirstWorldProblems"

born, capitalism, choices, disappointment, favorite, historical, historical reference, humor, i, irony, king, late, life, life choices, mistress, reference, stage, sun, Sun King, Versailles

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Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on X this month:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

My most abusive relationship is with my own brain.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

46 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

90 shares on Discord this month:

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

10 shares on Threads this month:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

55 shares on Discord this month:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Shared recently on X:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

Breaking via Twitch:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Spotted on TikTok:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Going viral on WeChat:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Live now on YouTube:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

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Activity Log ✨

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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