I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I let my girl wear whatever because you’re staring, and I’m hittin’ that.

10 shares on Slack this month:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

91 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.