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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,323

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Live now on Telegram:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Breaking via Telegram:

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

Breaking via YouTube:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Just shared via Instagram:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Making waves on Discord:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Just shared via YouTube:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Shared recently on X:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Just landed via Messenger:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Trending via TikTok:

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me: I'll be ready in 5 minutes. Also me: *takes 45 minutes to find matching socks* 🧦⏰ #FashionablyLate"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

33 shares on Slack this month:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

64 shares on Discord this month:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Making waves on Messenger:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Making waves on X:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Just landed via Twitch:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Just landed via YouTube:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Just landed via Messenger:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

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