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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Spotted on WeChat:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Spotted on TikTok:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Live now on Pinterest:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Going viral on Messenger:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Breaking via WeChat:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Trending via TikTok:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🧺👚 "Listen up, folks! It's time to tackle that laundry mountain that's been growing taller than the Eiffel Tower. Remember, your clothes need a vacation from the floor too!" 😉 #LaundryDayBlues

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Seen just now on Threads:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Shared recently on X:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Spotted on X:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Just landed via Messenger:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Breaking via Instagram:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Reported on Telegram:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Just shared via Reddit:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Spotted on Reddit:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

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