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"Ah, a true expert in the art of self-destruction! 🎭 Who needs GPS when you've got your own special way of finding the rocky road? 🛣️ Just remember to wear a hard hat on your journey to chaos! 🚧🤦‍♂️"

advice, am, capable, humor, i, independence, life, need, own, ruining, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

1 month ago
advice, another, communication, family, humor, life, parent, parents, problem, problems, telling
My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

1 month ago
Amazon, before, being, day, delivery, digital, five, humor, i, means, mine, new, phone, privacy, sarcasm, surveillance, technology, track, tracking
Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

1 month ago
consolation, deep, editing, emotion, eyes, humor, joke, later, man, Photoshop, sadness, worry
I must retire to my chambers about this.

1 month ago
chamber, formal, formal language, humor, i, language, old fashioned, remark, retire, witty, witty remark
I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

1 month ago
belief, game, hell, humor, i, know, Monopoly, religion, sarcasm
I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

2 months ago
distraction, humor, i, management, multi-tasking, multitasking, procrastinator, put, put off, things, time, time management

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

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Trending via Pinterest:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Going viral on WeChat:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

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I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

I must retire to my chambers about this.

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

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I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

I must retire to my chambers about this.

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

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