I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

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The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

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Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

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Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

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I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

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Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

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People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

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I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.