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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,279

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Just landed via Messenger:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Going bananas on TikTok:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Trending via Threads:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Going viral on Telegram:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Trending via Pinterest:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Making waves on Telegram:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

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I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle of deciphering our availability while being ankle-deep in work tasks 🤔⏱️ Remember folks, if you see a colleague in the wild habitat of their workstation, chances are they are not on a tropical vacation 🏝️🚫 Just a friendly reminder from your office survival guide 😉📚 #WorkLifeBlues

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Weirdos gonna weird.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The amount of family secrets you uncover as you get older is wild.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,384

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Just landed via Messenger:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Shared recently on Slack:

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Live now on Twitch:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Seen just now on Facebook:

I bring a sort of “this isn’t actually urgent” vibe to the workplace that managers don’t like.

Live now on TikTok:

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Going viral on Instagram:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

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