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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,755

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Spotted on Pinterest:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Trending via Discord:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Live now on Pinterest:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Seen just now on Facebook:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Spotted on Messenger:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sure, let me just schedule a quick 100-year therapy session and we can totally chill after that. 🕰️🧘‍♂️ #LifeGoals"

activity, everything, friends, get over, hang, hang out, humor, i, just, life, me, need, over

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

1 month ago
baby, gifts, humor, irony, men, newborn, presents, three, Three Wise Men, wise, worst
If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

1 month ago
cash, comfort, emotional, emotional needs, hug, humor, just, me, money, needs, pocket, put, sad, sadness, support
Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

1 month ago
angry, diet, food, food humor, humor, i, night, salad, third, third night, vegan
Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

1 month ago
discussion, group, group therapy, humor, licensed, media, online, online discussion, social, social media, therapy, Twitter, yelling
I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

1 month ago
activity, daily, daily routine, day, every, forgetfulness, fun, fun activity, humor, hunt, i, keys, late, me, myself, procrastination, punctuality, put, routine, same, spot, treasure, treasure hunt, why
You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

1 month ago
bigger, cake, family, humor, jealousy, kid, me, scare, sibling, slice

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Seen just now on Threads:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Making waves on Instagram:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Just shared via Telegram:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Breaking via Twitch:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Making waves on Instagram:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

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Activity Log ✨

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

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I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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