I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

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Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

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Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

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My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

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If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

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I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

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Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

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I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

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They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

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Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.