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Commentary:
"If you're going to say sorry, make sure it's accompanied by some dough – because 'I'm sorry' just doesn't quite cut it when you're talking to my bank account!"

apology, cash, humor, i, payment, sarcasm, worth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

1 month ago
adventure, bison, experiences, fullest, humor, life, living, selfy
Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

1 month ago
bath, care, day, dog, dog owner, funny moment, knowing, looking, lovingly, moment, owner, pet, pet care, pet owner, ruin, ruin day
If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

1 month ago
actor, cancelled, getting, humor, life, playing, real, real world, relationships, someone, world
Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

1 month ago
communication, good, humor, i, nonsense, pretty, saying, speaker, talking, wit
Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

6 days ago
alcohol, before, blame, drinking, humor, idiot, started
By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

1 month ago
another, CVS, finished, humor, i, joke, pharmacy, prescription, receipt, refill, shopping, time, waiting

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Just shared via Slack:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Making waves on Facebook:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Broadcasted on X:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Live now on Facebook:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Going bananas on Slack:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

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Activity Log ✨

I only accept apologies in cash.

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

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I only accept apologies in cash.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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