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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,828

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Just shared via YouTube:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Spotted on WeChat:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Going viral on Reddit:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Just landed via Instagram:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

2 months ago

0

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the chaos and surprise an emotional support octopus could bring – slapping away negativity and snagging some steals like a true partner in crime 🐙💥🛍️ Who needs therapy when you've got a mollusk sidekick for all your outlandish shenanigans?"

emotional, emotional support, humor, i, octopus, people, pet, shoplift, slap, support, train, training, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

0

2 months ago

angel, children, devil, humor, irony, me, parenting, sarcasm, stranger
I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

0

2 months ago

diet, donut, donuts, eat, eating, exist, food, healthy, healthy eating, humor, i, indulgence, lifestyle, need, temptation
Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, away, back, communication, email, humor, person, response, right, send, waiting
I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, commitment, determination, die, hill, humor, i, loyalty, preference
I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

0

2 months ago

answer, asked, humor, identity, joke, LGBTQ, me, misunderstanding, people, question, society, straight, straight answer
The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

0

2 months ago

dollars, even, guess, humor, i, joke, me, money, photo, police, radar, ticket

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on TikTok this month:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

65 shares on X this month:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

86 shares on Slack this month:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,930

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Life is so draining, you fix one problem, here come 12 more.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Going bananas on X:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Spotted on Reddit:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Going bananas on Slack:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Trending via Discord:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

Trending via X:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Spotted on Discord:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Spotted on WeChat:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

Trending via Discord:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

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