Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Breaking via Instagram:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Just shared via Messenger:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Spotted on Snapchat:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Just shared via Slack:

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

Breaking via Reddit:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Just shared via YouTube:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Seen just now on YouTube:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

3 weeks ago

Humorous text about craving an emotional support octopus to playfully slap and steal.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the chaos and surprise an emotional support octopus could bring – slapping away negativity and snagging some steals like a true partner in crime 🐙💥🛍️ Who needs therapy when you've got a mollusk sidekick for all your outlandish shenanigans?"

emotional, emotional support, humor, i, octopus, people, pet, shoplift, slap, support, train, training, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

94 shares on Threads this month:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Every day we get closer and closer to Idiocracy coming true.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,387

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Just shared via WeChat:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Going bananas on Threads:

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

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