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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Tested positive for being single af

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

426 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,695

Funny Quotes Topics

17,711

Funny Quotes Images

15,695

Jan 13, 2026

3,458

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Trending via Discord:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

Spotted on Twitch:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

Making waves on YouTube:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Shared recently on Slack:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Making waves on YouTube:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

Just shared via Instagram:

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

Making waves on Instagram:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Just landed via Discord:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

2 months ago

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the chaos and surprise an emotional support octopus could bring – slapping away negativity and snagging some steals like a true partner in crime 🐙💥🛍️ Who needs therapy when you've got a mollusk sidekick for all your outlandish shenanigans?"

emotional, emotional support, humor, i, octopus, people, pet, shoplift, slap, support, train, training, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

2 months ago

checklist, dating, humor, relationship, standards, Unabomber
The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

4 months ago

being, dating, life, love, love life, mind, minds, modern, modern love, most, relationship, romance, romantic, romantic mind, situationship, time
Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

2 months ago

advice, ask, cues, date, dating, dating advice, declarative, declarative statements, feel, fellas, humor, interrogation, lady, never, questions, social, social cues, statements, strong, sure
It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

2 months ago

death, great, healer, humor, irony, life, people, perspective, say, strange, time, truth
Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

2 months ago

agreement, comedy, custody, custody agreement, disguise, doubtfire, family, favorite, favorite movie, film, humor, movie, mrs., Mrs. Doubtfire, parenting, violation
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

3 months ago

face, friends, humor, loyalty, metaphor, ocean, octopus, relationships, stay, true, waf

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

59 shares on Threads this month:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

99 shares on Threads this month:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

80 shares on X this month:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

100 shares on Threads this month:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I put the mess in domestic.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

426 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,695

Funny Quotes Topics

17,711

Funny Quotes Images

15,695

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,260

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Spotted on Reddit:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Trending via Telegram:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Making waves on TikTok:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Breaking via X:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Trending via TikTok:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

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