I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift. Posted on3 months ago3 months ago by slickboy in Funny Quotes 💾 Save Image FacebookXPinterestRedditLinkedInEmailWhatsAppFunny quote: I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift. Related Funny Quotes 🤝 Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do. This is my emotional support online shopping cart. I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven. Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.