Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,337

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Just shared via Facebook:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Shared recently on Slack:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

Making waves on Twitch:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Seen just now on Discord:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Trending via Facebook:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Just landed via Telegram:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

2 weeks ago

Humorous text about craving an emotional support octopus to playfully slap and steal.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the chaos and surprise an emotional support octopus could bring – slapping away negativity and snagging some steals like a true partner in crime 🐙💥🛍️ Who needs therapy when you've got a mollusk sidekick for all your outlandish shenanigans?"

emotional, emotional support, humor, i, octopus, people, pet, shoplift, slap, support, train, training, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Facebook this month:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

69 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Where did you come from, Where did you go, Where did you come from, Pokémon Go.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

25 shares on Slack this month:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

73 shares on Threads this month:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,367

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Going viral on Messenger:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Just landed via Reddit:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Just shared via X:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴